Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I fill condoms, not promises.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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