He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
