he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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