I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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