More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
