How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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