I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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