Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
