He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
