Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
