I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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