i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
