Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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