New invention idea: vibrating tampons
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
