Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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