3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
