There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
