How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
