i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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