You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
It's never too late to be topless.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
