i can't believe i had my finger in that
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
