The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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