I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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