i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
