If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
