Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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