make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
