the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
