Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
