im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
