i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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