just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
