you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
