Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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