I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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