based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
