i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
