last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
