apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
