Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
