i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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