We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
