"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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