I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
