Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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