So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
