we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
