My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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