I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Randomize
