Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Please, let me fuck your mom
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
