I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
