i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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